Reality
by Evi-sama24
Summary: Sometimes love just isn't enough. Sometimes dreams can be broken even before built. And sometimes reality can be a little too hard to take. InuKag


**A/N: Hello! I wrote this fic after getting inspiration from this one fic I read. I experiemented with somethings. So I hope you enjoy! I don't own Inuyasha by the way. Please Review!**

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It took all but one second for you to realize that you and Inuyasha could never be more than just friends. Of course you'll continue loving the man you'll never have because that's just how you are. You've thought about this before but it's never really hit you that he still loves her.

You didn't even see it coming. Probably since you'd never thought you'd see the day when you actually were awake when the hanyou wasn't. It's not like she was there or anything… well not physically anyway. You really don't know why you were still awake. It seemed as though fate wanted you to hear it. Hear him call her name out.

You aren't stupid you know he doesn't love you. You're pretty sure that he cares but nothing much more than that. Like sure he's hugged you, he's needed you, he's nearly cried for you, and he'd protect you from anything even if his life was in danger but that's not love it's loyalty. It just so happens dogs are loyal. And it just so happens he's a dog…well part dog.

There's no reason a simple saying of her name would make you utterly hopeless but it's the way he said it. In the way that his face crumbled after the word "Kikyo" slipped off his tongue that made you completely heartbroken. He loves her. In the big way too that made you realize you had to move on.

It's clear that you really can't forget him but you need someone whose feelings are for you and only you. You need someone more than a friend with benefits. That's when you realize you need to get away for a bit. You need to become stronger you need to move on.

You have already told yourself that you'll still help them defeat Naraku and gather the last of the shards; they won't need you after that. You already know that Inuyasha won't say, "stay" or even, "I love you." Those words he has saved for her.

It does kill you to think you'll at one point never see him. Never feel his arms truly around you. Sure he'll hug you goodbye but not with feeling not with desire. It's a hug to a friend, to a comrade. You realize it kills you to think of yourself as nothing more than his companion but that's love. Everyone knows love sucks.

You'll leave in the morning and hope no one asks too many question for you are fragile and you're keeping in these tears.

You catch your eyes on him. You can't tear them away. You watch him breathe easily as his chest falls and rises. He has no guilt, of course, he doesn't know yet what he's done. He won't ever know. He won't ever care. He'll never regret it like you will for leaving.

You should stay and get over it, but you know you aren't that strong. You are no angel that forgives and forgets easily. Nor are you a traitor to your heart so going is the only option.

Your eyes gaze at the hanyou a little longer until they succumb to sleep.

Morning seems to have come only seconds after your eyelids close. With a heavy yawn you pull yourself up. You're greeted with amber eyes. It's only you and him awake. How ironic. He cocks his head at you. It's as though he knows something's up. As though he knows he did something he'll regret. He could always see through you.

"Kagome…" he whispers gently as though he feels you'll break if he speaks in a normal tone. You respond with your eyes. Nothing more.

You some how end up following him to the Tree- the place where you first met him. He immediately asks you what is wrong. You shake your head unwilling to answer. But then he grabs your shoulders forcing you to look up at him.

_He's a concerned friend nothing more; _you try to convince yourself of this. "Kagome…what's wrong? Please tell me," he pleads.

You feel yourself start to cave. Something on the lines of, 'God, why does his eyes have to be so gentle? Why do I have to love him so?' play in your head.

"Inuyasha I can't do this anymore. I have to go home… I have to go," you hear yourself say. You give yourself a little praise for not completely falling apart in front of him.

He takes this. Tells you that he'll tell the others and hopes that you'll be okay. The fact that he's being so tender is enough to tell you he might have a clue what's going on. You hate yourself for being so weak.

You grab your overstuffed bag and head towards the well waving to him before throwing the bag through the portal. What surprises you the most is him saying "I'm sorry" before you disappear.

You figure out he knows you love him. And maybe he also knows that he won't ever have you. And possibly that's why he never tried to love you. Maybe that's why he continued pledging his feelings to Kikyo. He wasn't stupid either; he probably knew you wouldn't stay for him at the end of the day. He knew you'd have someone to go back to that was human and normal. He knew Kikyo would be safe. That if he ever felt life was too hard he could escape with her to Hell. So just maybe that's why he never explored "love" with you.

After reaching your world you immediately release all your tears you've held. You never realized how broken you were. You never realized how much you love him. You never realized how much you need him. And that's when your world begins to turn. You've caught yourself in a daze. You're legs won't move from under you. The urge to go back and just talk to him is unbearable. You. Love. Him. He is your world. He keeps you moving.

You were supposed to be the girl everyone envied for beauty and smarts. You were never supposed to be the girl everyone pitied, that wasn't part of the plan. You were supposed to find a prince charming, one that wouldn't break your heart, one that was supposed to love you. You were supposed to go to a university and become a doctor or someone that gave back. You had so much talent, but now you wasted it all being in that era "saving the world" while managing to completely screw yourself over by falling for that hanyou.

You're world is turned upside down. How do you continue holding on?

You need something, someone to keep you solid. You slide the door, hiding the rest of the world, open. Light penetrates your eyes causing you to go blind for a few seconds. When you managed to see again, a figure catches your eye. You feel like you should hide since the man approaching is the one who stalked you for two years when you went to Middle School. He's carrying your homework, or at least what it looks like from this distance.

He's a little different than you imagined he would be. You haven't seen him for about a year since everything's been so crazy in that other era. He looks taller and more mature. Though his smile is still plastered on his face, his eyes are deeper and more sincere, he's definetly experienced more. You're legs move on their own. Traitors… Your voice calls out his name making him turn. Every thing's against you it seems.

Luckily for you the tears have already dried but it seems he notices the slight pain welting in your eyes. He asks, "Are you okay?" You find yourself a little annoyed of how everyone is asking you this… well everyone important that is.

"I don't know… I just don't know," you respond a little broken and unable to meet his eyes. He looks at you with understanding- not sympathy. You give him points for not pitying you like you expected he would.

He stays for four hours talking to you and letting you vent to him about your ex-lover. He's surprisingly a good listener. He doesn't touch you like you thought he would. He doesn't put his arm around you for support like most other men would. He's letting you have space. He's not pressuring you; he's comforting you with words and gentle eyes. He's the "someone" who'll keep you from falling even if all he'll be is second best.

It's obvious you'll never get over Inuyasha fully. Hojo sees it too, but he doesn't mind being second in your heart. He doesn't mind allowing you to think of the hanyou well at least for now. You remember a time when you allowed Inuyasha to think of Kikyo and now look at you. You're a mess but someone's picking you up.

He asks you to accompany him for dinner you're a little shaky but you still say yes. He loves you. You like him. You love Inuyasha. He loves Kikyo. Nothing will seem fair. Hojo knows he'll torture himself if he continues to love you. You know that you'll keep torturing yourself if you continue loving Inuyasha. But you two will continue killing yourselves because you love pain. And it seems pain loves you too.

So why not be miserable together? Misery loves company especially if both of you are dying.

Hojo picks you up for dinner that night you're surprised you have as much fun as you do. The most surprising thing though is that for once since you met Inuyasha you didn't think of him at all for three hours. You know you're moving on but it still seems slow. You know you're growing but it'll still take time.

One day passes and then the next and then the next soon three weeks pass and Hojo's with you everyday. You're coping, you're moving, and you're living. You still see the occasional amber eyes outside your window at night when you're in bed trying to sleep. You wonder if it's your mind playing tricks or Inuyasha missing your scent. You're trying to not wonder this as much because you really are close to being considered "okay." Your heart still is mourning but that's normal. You still occasionally feel so sad that you don't get out of bed in the morning but that'll pass eventually. Your eyes often still drown in tears but that's where Hojo comes in and dries them.

One night you catch yourself staring at the Tree outside. Hojo had already left. You find yourself just standing in the cold night air gazing at that Tree. It brings back so many memories in fact this was the spot when you realized you loved that inu hanyou.

It's in those memories you hear a snap of a twig. The sound awakens you. And he's there looking at you with those eyes you love so much. You really would have been fine if he hadn't come. You realize in that moment seeing him how much progress you didn't make since you still completely melt at his presence.

He steps forward. He looks a little more broken then you expected. He whispers, "Do you love him?"

You're shocked to hear him ask you this. You don't know how to answer. You're not exactly sure yourself. Still you take a deep breath and respond, "I'm trying to." He nods as his ears wilt on his head. He looks back up at you with a look asking 'why.' "Inuyasha… I couldn't be her substitute any longer. I couldn't lie to myself that you felt the same way about me as I do you. I needed hope in my life. I needed someone to love me." You find yourself damaged beyond repair as your knees wobble and fall to the ground. Tears are pouring down your eyes. You. Are. Broken.

He looks guilty. He tries to come closer but is unsure of his own feet. "Kagome you were never her substitute. When you left Kagome… I couldn't eat I couldn't sleep. I came back here a lot. Kikyo came to me some also she complained that I wasn't myself. She said I treated her like she was your substitute. I don't think you know how much I care about you."

You can't believe the words he's speaking. You love him. He loves you. But then you're still unsure about him loving Kikyo and what about Hojo? Sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes fate isn't enough. Sometimes too many scars can change everything. "Inuyasha… I can't… I can't do this. I had a life here. A good one too. I was getting over you. I was moving on. I was living! I could have been in love without pain. I could have had a nonviolent life. I could have been happy! But then you come and destroy every wall I built. You destroyed everything I worked so hard to fix. I was on the edge of being okay! But then…then you had to come… and ruin it all. God, why do I love you so much?"

You continue bawling both of you unsure of where to go from here. Whenever you think of him you feel pain. Whenever he thinks of you he feels ache. Everything has changed. Emotions are messy. When you're in love the way you and Inuyasha are no matter what happens you will only feel pain. A relationship would be out of the question. You love each other too much for it to be real.

You both sit there for hours just crying and thinking. He loves you. You love him. He can't have you. You can't have him. Where do you go from there?

He walks over to you throwing his arms around your shaking body. He's trying so hard to comfort you. He tries too much. He loves too much.

You try to hold him too. You try to tell him everything will be okay. You try too much. You love too much.

When it comes down to it you'll always be his and he'll always be yours, but you'll never be together. You'll never end up being mates. It'd kill you before you reached one anniversary.

A few more hours pass. You talk about how to fix this. Only one option comes to mind. You both don't like it. You both don't want it. You both have no other choice.

You eventually agree that after Naraku is finished and the jewel put back together, you'll say goodbye. You'll have your own lives. It's not that you won't try to get away from your other lovers to see each other, but you both doubt the well will still be open. It's not that you won't dream about each other and ache until you wake the next morning to find the vision gone. It's not that you won't continue loving each other; you just won't see each other anymore.

You decide that when the sun rises you won't ever speak to each other about how much the other cares. You decide forgetting is the best option- the only option.

When the sun rises he slips back down the well but not before he steals something from you. He grabs you in his arms and plants a kiss on your lips. It's filled with passion and desperation that completely blows you away. You debate to yourself how you really can forget this man, but then you remind yourself sometimes love just isn't enough...


End file.
